im such a sarcastic bitch it’s beautiful

(via help-im-in-a-burrito)


If I reply with “oh” I either don’t give a fuck or I feel like i’ve been punched in the throat

(via everything--is-satisfactual)


i believe in hate at first sight

(Source: jadethrwall, via help-im-in-a-burrito)



what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

(via dragonnipplepower)


when u excited about something and ur friend isntimage

(via green-marshen-men)


When you refuse to dance even if the beat is funky


(Source: meatbicyclevevo, via nutttmeg)


"Ima need ur license and registration……and ur kik"

(via nutttmeg)

  • Pregnant woman: oh my god he's kicking!!
  • Me: *punches her in the stomach* you think it's fucking cool to hit girls you little bitch??



So I’m moving into a new apartment, and I was told that the room had been damaged, but nothing could have prepared me for the fact that someone had carved Li Shang’s head out of the bathroom door and written “We must defeat the Huns!” on it.


(via green-marshen-men)


u know what the worst thing about being a girl is… is when another girl asks u for a hair tie, but its ur last one, but u can’t say u don’t have one because she knows its on ur wrist, so u give it to her, and then she says “oh i’ll give it back!” knowing damn well she won’t, and u sit there sad because now you have to go buy another pack of hair ties that u know ur gonna lose by the end of the month

(Source: kev1ndurant, via the-king-and-lion-heart)